Remembering Rory

Todd's nephew Rory, Jr. had struggled for quite some time with mental illness as well as drug addiction.  Two weeks ago, he succumbed to both.  He overdosed in his room at home after coming home from a fishing trip.  Tonia said that he had been the happiest he has been in close to 20 years.  He had begun working on a new ship - a scallop fisher - and told his mom about how happy he was.  

He was 29 years old.  (He and I share birthdays.  He would have been 30 in December.)

Although I grieve for his parents and siblings, I have the heaviest heart for Todd's sister, Tonia. No one should lose a child, of course, but she has struggled with him for more than a decade. I am sure that she has feared his passing this way over and over and over again.  Her worries are over, but I am certain her pain continues.

His given name is Rodger.  In his obituary, it talks about how he allowed Tonia share his story... how he wanted others to benefit from his struggles.  Tonia turned to volunteering for mental health advocacy.  She fought to help people understand that drug addition is a disease.

Here is her profile from where she now works.  Her volunteerism has expanded into now, her life's work:

Tonia Groves Ahern and her family felt helpless, full of fear and isolated for years due to her son’s opiate addiction. While researching treatment options for her son, she became actively involved with Parent To Parent, an organization founded in 1997 by four mothers, three having lost their son’s to overdoses. In 2011, she became involved in working to change legislation to support prevention, evidence based treatment practices, recovery support programs and family support. Tonia joined parents across New Jersey to testify for the 911 bill, also known as the Overdose Prevention Act, which was signed into law May of 2013. She testifies regularly to support bills related to substance use disorders in New Jersey and is a team leader for the National Council for Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD-NJ). She participates in two county Opiate Task Forces and is the current Chairperson for the NJ Department of Addiction Service’s Citizen’s Advisory Committee. Tonia is certified Recovery Coach through Full Recovery and recently became a National Parent Coach for the Partnership for Drug Free Kids. She is currently working on changing probation policies through the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) from the Center For Motivation and Change. Through her son’s substance use disorder she has found her own passion to help others and change the world.

Words from memorial comments that were especially touching: I hope that everyone finds peace in the fact that Rodger left a mark on this world that most people can only hope for. He dreamed big, loved furiously, and fought for his life harder than most. This tragedy will not be in vain, his struggles have saved more lives than any of us can count.

 

A week after his passing, there was a service in his memory.  Todd flew up for the weekend.  He, his siblings and cousins all came to support the family. These photos were shared from the reception and also from informal gathering at their home. 

There was a friend of Rory's who spoke at the service shared his experiences.  We watched the service from the website.  It nice to get a glimpse into his life - the antics that he and his friends were into.  

The stories did sound like he did live big.  

He loved the sea.  At a future date, his ashes will be laid to rest in the ocean off the bows of the boat that he felt at peace on.