Candice & Todd's blog: October was a hard month for us....

October was a hard, hard month. Isabella was getting in a lot of trouble at school – so much so that we were starting to look at other options for her. Kind of in the height of this struggle, we found out that Mercer’s birthmother, Danielle, was shot and killed by her domestic partner. It is just senseless.

Danielle’s step-mother called and told us the horribly sad news. We kept in touch via text too to learn more of the details as they were unfolding (like catching the person who did this, details of the funeral, and the like). We struggled with what to tell Mercer.

We talked to his school counselor and she suggested that we NOT keep it from him – that we tell him she passed away without giving any details. That was about all he could comprehend at his age. If he had more questions, we could go into more detail as he was older, but he did not need to know specifics just yet.

She said that if we kept it from him now / told him about it when he was older, that could actually be worse for him. He would – in addition to the details of the death – also have questions about why we kept it a secret. We took Isabella to a friend’s house to play so we could 100% focus on him. We looked at photos of when he was born, our time in Colorado, and also when we flew Danielle out for Mercer’s 1^st birthday.

He was quiet and solemn. He did not really get a chance to know her, so he seemed OK with the news. I am sure that he will have more questions as he gets older and want to know more about Danielle. She has changed quite a bit from the timid young woman we met almost 10 years ago. We cannot know how much she struggled with her decision to give Mercer up for adoption, but it was evident how much she loved him. It was obvious in her communications and letters.

Obviously we are grateful beyond words to her for making this selfless decision -- we cannot express how much so. We admired her for her bravery, he kind-heartedness and her love for him. She will always be remembered by Todd and myself. Danielle’s family sent Mercer a letter, an obituary, some photos, and a necklace. We have tucked it away for when he asks questions later. This sweet spirit "earned her wings" (as her family put it) on October 2nd, 2017. Danielle was 28 years old.

We also had an architecture friend, Rob, lose his battle to brain cancer in October. Even though he lived in Chicago and the last time we saw him was before we had kids... this bubbly goofy fun-loving fella had a special place in our hearts. Looking through old photos just brings about a smile. He had that gift.

Both are reminders on how short life can be.... and the importance of enjoying the friends / families / experiences we do have here on this earth to the fullest. <3

It is hard to transition, but - while others were going through these very hard times, we were trying to make some good memories with the kids. Unfortunately, I describe our daily routine as "survival" mode sometimes... just trying to get through the day (with work / school / homework / after school activities / dinner / bed-time / etc. ) That is not a great way to describe what is happening - obviously - but that is how it sometimes feels. I think that this is why we try to do something fun on the weekends - as much as we can.

Isabella and I had a fall break that Mercer did not, so she and I went to North Carolina for a short visit. We got to see my cousin, Tracy and her daughter Kaitlin at a softball game. We had lunch with Aunt Becky and Uncle Tony and had a surprise visit from Uncle Mel. We stay with grandma (my mom) and we always visit great-grandma / great-grandpa as often as we can. So, we got to see quite a bit of our family on this quick visit~

For this animal lover, we have to go to the NC Zoo. We watched the sea lions work with a trainer, hung out with the lonely polar bear for awhile, and played in the kid zone.

When we came back, Mercer’s school had a 1-day teacher work-day so he came to a STEM camp that I was helping to run that day. Then… it was back to normal for everyone.

We were back in school and we had a better time with Isabella (since we knew she was having issues at school we really reinforced good behavior at home, held to consequences + offered rewards for good behavior). She’s now gets something out of the “treasure bag” like Mercer used to and we’re working up to earning “Isabella Fun Days” like Mercer used to get as well. It seems that he went through a similar phase when he was in Pre-K and early in elementary. I have to say I see a pattern in many of the young kiddos….

I’m teaching K-5 and it seems that the Kindergartners and 1^st graders have very little self-control in general. I take a DEEP breath every time a K or 1^st grade class leaves my classroom. But, it is fun overall. Whew~

We went to this amazing event that we go to every year down at Serenbe called RayDay in honor of the founder of Interface Carpet.

Isabella, of course, stays in the area where the horses are. (and, thus, so did Todd.)

She also got her whole face painted this year (it was super cute).

Mercer is starting to get to the age where he doesn’t like going as much – he’s getting too cool / too old for the little kid activities. (sigh) Thankfully, there was something new this year -- a building station for building bird houses and bat houses. Mercer built both.

There was free food trucks and free-flowing drinks from Sweetwater Brewery. I got to catch up with some of my old colleagues and people in the sustainability industry.

In the end - we ALL had a nice time... even Mercer. (He enjoyed the building + found a boy his age to jump on an in-ground trampoline with.) Next year, however, we may need to invite a friend to go with him! Don't you love this tree? So do the kids.... they're drawn to it every year.

We celebrated Hip-Hop's adoption day by giving him some doggie ice cream before we went down to Serenbe.

(Poor guy couldn't come with us there, however, we saw a few pups... hmmmm.....??)

Hip-Hop has brought SO MUCH JOY to our little family. 1 year -- feels like he's been a part of the family forever!

The following weekend, we took another day-trip.

This time, we headed north. We picked out some pumpkins at Burt's Farm and then visited Amicalola Falls State Park for a hike up to the observation area.

There's not a lot to write about but there are a lot of great (orange-themed) photos of the kids!! Isabella has some funny poses.... and Mercer LOVES / thinks it is hilarious (still) to give bunny ears during a photo. ~Sweet kiddos!~

Because of the rules of the farm, we were not able to bring Hip-Hop along on this trip. He would not have liked the hundreds and hundreds of metal-grate stairs to the top and back down at Amicalola Falls... so it was probably for the best.... but we did miss a pumpkin photo with our 3rd (4-legged) kid. :(

The kids stopped on just about every rock you could climb on too that was adjacent to the path. "Take our picture up here!" was constantly being blurted out.

A few weeks earlier (at the very end of September -- a couple of days after the last blog was published), we DID get to take Hip-Hop to a great destination: Sweetwater Creek State Park.

We love going on hikes where there is water and/or where there are historic ruins. This place has BOTH! We had a great time navigating our way across rocks to destinations in the middle of the river (with the kids and dog). We even found some painted rocks while there.

Again - not much to write about, but here are a bunch of photos at this park.

In sorting through them all, it is hard not to publish a lot of these photos... the warm fall light and the backdrop is just so beautiful!

So.... let it be known that the dog DOES get to go out! He loves hiking, actually, and we love taking him when we can.

Finally: HALLOWEEN.

My school had a fall festival and they encouraged K-12 students to dress up the Friday before Halloween. The preschoolers were to have a costume "parade" through the school the following Tuesday -- on the actual date of Halloween. Unfortunately for Isabella... I followed directions. As it turned out, she was the ONLY kid in her classroom of 18 students who did NOT dress up. Oh.... the tears were welling. (And I'm not just talking about Isabella's!) I felt awful. Horrible.

But - remembered that I had given several animal masks to the drama teacher at our school, so I asked her if we could use one for Isabella. Of course! (in fact, she was wearing one + a hat.... to be a "party animal.") So - we turned Isabella into a party animal too. When Suzanne and I went to Isabella's room that morning and we made a big deal about it / took her photo... she said in a feeble little toddler-sounding voice she silently asked "but where's my costume that covers my body?" UGH. Stab in the heart! All of her little classmates had on head-to-toe costumes. I get it... but what to do?!

Well, in Suzanne's stash was a ragged piece of red fabric. It was cut in an odd shape. It had holes all through it... but I took it to Isabella and wrapped it around her neck like a cape... and she was BEAMING. She felt like a princess. Seriously! It (the fabric) was sooooo sad and looked to have been moth-eaten, but Isabella LOVED that little ragged piece of fabric! (sigh)

Thankfully, the rest of Halloween was pretty normal: carve pumpkins, make "finger" cookies, go to neighborhood party, kids go trick-or-treating.

Todd was with Isabella while I handed out candy. Mercer (like last year) wanted to go ahead / go faster than his little sister so he could capitalize on more houses. He did. He went with some neighbor kids and their gracious parents. He was happy with his stash this year.... as well as his "morph" costume.

Isabella surprised us by wanting to be Elsa from the movie Frozen. She already had a dress that grandma and grandpa in Florida had sent her. We found a wig, but it didn't quite fit. Oh well!